Yeah, I know you’re thinking: “Not the Friday Five again! Doesn’t he have any imagination that punk?”. But hold on. The questions from Friday Five this week were so intriguing that one thing led to another. Read on:

1. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
Leaving the succumbing bosom of alcoholism, quitting a job, packing and moving to a new city, away from friends and family, trying to pursue my life’s dream of becoming a World Class musician with only a couch to live on, almost no money in the bank and no prospects for the future.

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
Actually they’d approve of anything I’d like to try. Lucky bastard, eh?

3. On a scale of 1-10, what’s your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it’s a lifestyle)
According to the many jobs I’ve left in my lifetime because of them heavily scratching the fragile plate of my heavenly ideals, I’d say an eight out of ten. But when it comes to the big issues, I’m a chicken – a two or three, tops (see below).

4. What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
I haven’t had the chance of having something good happening to me as a result of being risky. Perhaps I haven’t been risky enough – yet.

5. … and what’s the worst?
And here I step out of the shower, because this is the very core in the essence of living. The worst thing is when you take a risk and it turns out bad. This is because you throw out a lifeline towards the void and in one hand try your luck and in another follow your passions, and even though you might learn from the bad experience, you are still left alone with a numb sensation of never having went where you wanted to go.

But isn’t this the way we live? Most of us cannot get our dreams 100% fulfilled and therefore we are stuck in mediocre jobs, doing boring stuff so that we can afford doing the fun stuff – the things we like. That is at least what our parents and the society tells us, and by all means, don’t fool yourself, because this is how it works most of the time.

The problem is that we have to fight for not to loose ourselves in the process. I am in the middle of becoming a very sour cream and onion cranky old guy because I have seen so many dreams drift away. I’ve tried – christ I’ve tried, but it seemed like every time I did stick my nose out, it got slapped by the big whip called “reality”. My big problem, and that’s where my #2 or #3-risk factor comes in, is that I didn’t keep my nose out – I hurled it right back inside the warm and comforting cave called “The comfy chicken house”. Even worse – it bugged me doing so. So now I am slowly becoming a nauseous complaining bastard because I blame myself and everybody around me of the dreams that never came true.

Luckily I am a happy person, so I think that I might stand a chance (^_^) – but what’s important is that I, that we, cannot risk getting in our own ways. We might get into monetary problems, we might get some weird looks from the people we know, but we owe ourselves to at least giving it a try. Forget what other people think, forget the admonishing speeches your parents gave you as a kid, and just go for it. Say to yourself: “What is the worst thing that can happen?”. Anything else than “death” does not apply as an excuse not to try.

And I’m saying this with a lump in my stomach. Because right now, I feel like I’ve lost my previous precious musical creativeness, having a “writer’s block” every time I sit by my piano (I can still perform though, and I’m not talking about sex here), I feel that I’ve tried to get away from a career that just gave me headaches, stress and a beginning ulcer to try and see where in this World I fit, losing a lot of money, creating a debt that might someday threaten the balance of this country’s GNP, living each day, one day at a time, but can’t seem to get anywhere. I honestly don’t know what I can contribute with any longer, and feel like the round peg trying to fit into the square hole. But deep down, I know that I cannot give up. I have to try and see what fate throws into my lap, I cannot go back. So even though I’m afraid – sometimes very afraid, I must not fall back onto something that only will work like pissing in your pants when you’re freezing. Perhaps I will be forced to do so for a short period of time, but still, I have to keep in mind not to go for the easy way out, otherwise I will really feel like a looser.

Recommended reading:
The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron
The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho
From Hand to Mouth: A Chronicle of Early Failure, by Paul Auster
On Writing, by Stephen King

(No pics today – haven’t you had enough for one day? Sheeesh!)