Well, it’s official: I didn’t get into the Danish Royal Academy of Arts.

It’s really not the fact that only 5% of the applicants get in (30 out of 594 in this case to be exact), so that one has to be both extremely talented and lucky in order to go through the ‘eye of the needle’. Neither is it the work I put in it, trying to get in (which in fact wasn’t much. I spent two years once, developing my skills in order to get into the Rhythmic Music Conservatory, and I only spent a month on this), or the fact that I might not have it in me at all, being an ‘artist’.

No, what bugs me is the fact, that I didn’t get this kind of ‘push in the back’, or a ‘gentle kick in the arse’. You know, a kind of a ‘kick-starter’, or ’something new to look forward to’. I really don’t quite know how to explain it. What I was looking for, I guess, was a new direction to move towards, a good excuse to get up in the morning and just let things go with the flow, seeing where it might lead me.

I know bitching about it won’t help, and there are probably more unknown territories to explore out there. But it seems that the older you get, the harder it is to just simply ‘let it be’ and then just forge into something new or stubbornly insist on trying until you get it right. And it’s not because I need any kind of ’security’ or a ’safe job’ or ‘predictable outcome’, no, it’s rather a kind of … mental roller skate… to put on. Yeah, that’s it. A mental roller skate. You put it on, you try gently to master the art of not having solid ground beneath your feet*, and you just know that those roller skates are taking you - somewhere.

Hmm. I wonder if there are any roller skates out there that will fit a 32 year old ENFP-’generalist’** with a lemon-twisted head, screwed on top of a couple of worn-out, but solid shoulders?

*(which reminds me: Go read Salman Rushdie’s “The Ground Beneath Her Feet”)
**(Look at my “About Me”-section)

On this day...

... in 2006: Version 5.1